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Years ago I saw adolescent psychologist Dr Michael Carr Gregg talk at a conference. He was suggesting that every teenager getting an internet, enabled phone should have to get a license to use it. Made perfect sense to me because in many ways handing over a phone which comes with the exposure to anything we can possibly think of, is like saying ‘You want drive? Here’s a car, good luck!’

Obviously talking to our kids about phone safety and protocol never goes a miss and there’s some great apps to safe guard out kids but we can’t be there all the time.

I am currently reading Teen Brains by David Gillespie which is not only about teen brains but how endless phone / social media usage opens up pathways to addiction, just like smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling or watching porn. It’s pretty sobering and he says we’ve handed over these devices without much thought.

I look at my own two daughters, we play this never ending game called ‘Get off your phone!’ It’s often the first thing they reach for in the morning and most of the time they don’t know why. It’s just that repetitive hit of dopamine and other reward based chemicals.

We adults are often not much better, I heard a woman on the radio recounting a story of her 7 year old daughter saying to her ‘I wish I was your iPhone.’

Steve Jobs and Bill Gates are rumored to have been very restrictive of tech for their kids at home – maybe they were on to something?

Anyway below is a contract I created for our daughters when they received their phones. They had to read it out loud then sign it. As they’ve gotten older we have loosened some rules. You can copy, paste and tweak to make your own.

If you have a young person about to enter the hallowed ground of ‘Zombie Scrolling’ (staring at phone for no apparent reason) it may come in handy.  They (or you) may think it’s a tad OTT but watch how quickly you lose your kid to screen without any control. That control is incredibly hard to regain once they’ve been given it.

Also look into apps such as OurPact they offer some control and levels of safety.

Finally I also saw Steven Biddulph speak about raising daughters in these perilous ‘selfie’ times. At the end of the lecture he said ‘You’ve all come here seeking advice and the best advice I can give you is grow a bloody backbone.”

 

Rules for getting a Smart Device

(Name here) having a phone is a massive responsibility, it is not a toy it is a very expensive communication device. Please understand and respect these rules.

If you’re unsure of anything just ask. We want you to enjoy owning a phone but understand this is a serious privilege that can be revoked anytime.

 

  • Strictly no phones in bedroom – charger to remain in living room
  • M & D can check your phone anytime
  • Limited usage each day – ie turned off while doing home work, at the dinner table and after 7pm – the phone is handed directly to us
  • NEVER down load an app before asking M & D
  • M&D know your password for phone – or no phone
  • If you lose the phone you pay and replace it
  • If and when you join Instagram – it’s private only – M&D know your password
  • No posting selfies especially in bikini’s etc
  • If you’re not sure ask before you post or share a picture
  • NEVER post your mobile number
  • If you bully or hurt anyone via your phone – you lose it
  • Never type or say anything to anyone that you wouldn’t say in person
  • DON’T respond or pick up to numbers you don’t recognize
  • ONLY use speaker or headphones to talk
  • Remember NOTHING replaces having a face to face conversation
  • If you lose or break the phone you will get a very simple basic phone until such time that you can afford a new iPhone
  • Phones are expensive to run if you use up all your data before the allotted time you pay for it – or have a phone that doesn’t work
  • We also expect you to keep STEPPING UP on your responsibilities
  • This is a phone for you to use but it is our phone which we a loaning you disobey these rules and we’ll simply take it back. We will discuss and then maybe you can start over again.

 

This may all sound a bit tough but it’s really important you understand what a big step this is, us letting you have a phone. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the phone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is an exciting and enticing time. Keep it simple every chance you get.

Trust your powerful mind and beautiful heart above any device.

Lots of love M & D xxx

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